Hitting the Snooze on Natural Awakenings

My patients, let me share with you the Memphis of my dreams:

Imagine the abrasive comfort of concrete on your skin; billowing exhaust blowing through your hair; preservatives, prescriptions, and pesticides bathing your sedentary bodies as you gather around your Doctor for comfort and barely affordable therapy.

Can you see it? Can you envision the dream?

Well, I’ll tell you who can’t.

Amy Doza and her beehive of busybodies at Natural Awakenings magazine, that’s who.

Fixated on natural health, exercise, and nutrition, with disturbing dashes of sustainability and green living, Natural Awakenings is a multi-pronged challenge to the synthetic lifestyle that I prescribe.

It’s incomprehensible, it’s un-American, and worst of all, it’s free.

Available online and at do-gooder outposts throughout town, Natural Awakenings offers countless avenues to mislead unwitting Memphians into an inescapable quagmire of health.

Vital Statistics:
Circulation: 30,000 do-gooders
Availability: Over 200 locations including Whole Foods Market, many Kroger stores, and the Trolley Stop Café.
Recommendation: Shred on sight.

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