My dear patients, we face a grave threat to the charm, the character and the very litter of the city.
Even as I type this, swarms of do-gooders are preparing to descend upon the poor, unsuspecting rubbish of Memphis in what cleanmemphis.org and its notorious trash czar Janet Boscarino are calling a “Day of Action.”
And we must mobilize as well.
Yes, a threat of this magnitude can only be overcome from within.
And so I am urging all of my patients to join me on May 7th as I infiltrate this insidious movement.
Together we will work with these litterophobes , study their do-goodering ways, and bring them down from the inside. Only as we join those striving to take ownership of this city’s problems can we return those problems to their rightful owner.
And that of course is me.