Last Saturday, while more tolerant and civilized people were sleeping in, a mob over one-hundred vengeful do-gooders descended upon the shores of McKellar Lake intent on conquest.
Students from the University of Memphis and Christian Brothers University, as well as representatives from Memphis City Beautiful, Clean Memphis and other misguided organizations, joined together in a fearsome coalition of cleanliness with the sole purpose of evicting acres of peaceful litter from its native habit.
The liter, which had originally fled harassment in the city through storm drains and migrated down Nonconnah Creek, have for years found sanctuary in the lake. But recent flooding has left many of their number stranded and defenseless on the shore, well within the grasping clutches of the city’s do-gooder population and their policy of recycling on sight.
Unrepentant rabble leader, Colton Cockram has issued no apology, but rather called for further civic cleansings to take place on October 1st and November 12th.