As a psychiatric professional, it is my unpleasant duty to stay apprised of all that is inspiring, hope-enabling, and otherwise dysfunctional in this town.
It is a task that has put me in contact with do-gooders of all stripes, from artist to activists to volunteers to clean-up queens; none have escaped my therapeutic gaze.
So it is with great authority (and no little amount of professional venom) that I unveil the ultimate scourge of our city. The epitome and embodiment of all that is wrong with Memphis.
That individual is none other than Kerry (I Love Memphis) Crawford.
Let’s look at the evidence:
- She loves Memphis
- She participates in volunteer radio
- She sabotaged my sabotage of Rock for Love
- She’s way too perky
I would run her out of town on a rail if only I could find a rail sturdy enough to withstand her Memphis-loving ways.
Which leaves it up to me to personally end her surgery-sweet reign of terror. Which I will do this Friday night at Rock For Love 5.
Due to standing orders from the Surgeon General, my exact methods must remain secret, but I can tell you that it involves a wading pool, a large amount of my own Prescription Pasta, and raw untamed rage.
Come to the Hi-Tone Friday August 19 and see justice dispensed in large, noodly servings.
That is all.